My Pet Derpachu
by Purple Elf Of Darkness
Summary: Zant brings home a Derpachu(A derpy Pikachu Counterpart), and he, Vaati, and Bella think of all the awesome things they can do with it. But this Derpachu isn't all it seems to be... Vaati and Zant(c) Nintendo Pikachu(c) Game Freak Note: THIS IS A SMOSH PARODY OF MY PET PIKACHU!
1. My Pet Derpachu Makes Breakfast

The pokemon was yellow. The pokemon had red cheeks. The pokemon had a lightning shaped tail. The pokemon looked like a rat. The pokemon was wearing a pink bikini. The pokemon had a derpy expression on its face.

"What. The. Hell. Is. **That?**" Bella asked Zant with a tone of anger in her voice.

"He's my new pet Derpachu," Zant said proudly.

"Say hi Derpachu."

"Uh, Derpachu?" Derpachu said.

Vaati poked the pokemon in the face, and it blinked.

"What the hell does he do if he's so awesome?"

"Well…" Zant thought for a minute.

"He could make breakfast."

_My Pet Derpachu Makes Breakfast_

"Toast me Derpachu!" Vaati said, holding up a piece of bread.

"Derpa…chu!" Derpachu sent out an electric shock at the bread and toasted it in flash.

"Awesome!" Bella said.

"Quick, egg me Derpachu!" Zant said, holding up an egg.

"DERPACHU!"

The shock made the egg explode all over Zant's face. Zant stood there for a minute.

"AWESOME!" He shouted with joy.


	2. My Pet Derpachu Wakes Me Up

"And I bet he'd be great for waking me up for school," Bella said after they finished their breakfast fantasy.

_My Pet Pikachu Wakes Me Up_

_Beep. Beep._

Bella slapped her alarm clock and went back to sleep.

"Derpachu!" Derpachu shouted, shocking Bella's face.

"OW! What the hell Derpachu?! At least shock me somewhere that isn't my freakin' face!" she screamed.

Derpachu nodded and shocked her in the rear instead.

"Hey that… wasn't that bad. Again?" Bella asked.

Derpachu shot her again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

Vaati, who was watching from the door, passed out in shock.


	3. My Pet Derpachu Unclogs The Toilet

Vaati stood there with a blank look on his face.

"Why would you do that?" he asked Bella.

Bella was dead silent.

"Oooh! I bet he'd be great at unclogging my toilet!" Zant shouted in delight.

_My Pet Derpachu Unclogs The Toilet_

"Alright, Derpachu!" Zant said, sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

"Use Plunger Attack!"

Zant shoved Derpachu's hand in the toilet and began using it as a plunger (Mostly because Vaati nor Bella were willing to get off their lazy asses to buy a toilet plunger)

"Yeah! Plunge it! Plunge harder!" Zant shouted as if it were a world famous sporting event.

After a while, the toilet was unclogged.

"You did it, Derpachu!" Zant said, high fiving Derpachu, whose hand was covered in poop.

_Enemy Toilet Unclogged._


	4. My Pet Derpachu As A Remote

Zant stared into space with a dreamy look on his face, while Bella and Vaati just looked at him with wide eyes.

"What, it worked?" Zant said.

Everyone was silent.

"Oh! I bet he'd be great when we lose the remote!" Vaati said, grinning.

_My Pet Derpachu As A Remote_

"I'm going to disguise myself as a rock, Katniss. Do you love me?"

Vaati, Bella, & Derpachu sat on the couch watching Hunger Games.

"This sucks," Vaati muttered.

"Change the channel, Derpachu," Bella ordered.

"Derpachu!" Derpachu electrocuted the TV, setting it on fire.

"Quick! Neutralize the fire Derpachu! Use Discharge!" Bella shouted.

_Back in the real world…_

"Gross! He has a move called discharge?" Zant asked in disgust.

"Will you just let us finish our fantasy!" Vaati shouted.

"Sorry."

_Now back to the retarded fantasy…_

"Use Discharge!" Bella and Vaati shouted together.

"Derpachu!" Derpachu sent out a small and slow ball of electricity toward the TV.

"Hey guys, can you tell me… what the hell is that?!" Zant said as he walked in front of the ball.

"Just move out of the way," Vaati told Zant.

"No! Wait! It's coming right at me! It's coming at me!" the moronic Twili screamed.

"Watch out…" Bella said in an annoyed voice.

"No! I don't wanna die! NOOOOOOO!" The ball of electricity shocked Zant so hard it made him inflate and explode.


	5. My Pet Derpachu Helps On A Date

"Well that sucked!" Zant growled.

Bella thought for a moment.

"I know! What if he helped you out on a date?" she said, pointing at Vaati.

"Wait, a sec, that's…"

_My Pet Derpachu Helps On A Date_

Vaati and Zelda sat in a restaurant, eating chocolate cake.

"So, did you have a good time?" Vaati asked Zelda cheerfully.

"Let me just make this clear," Zelda began, "you're weird."

"Yeah." Vaati smirked.

"You have girlishly long hair."

"I know," he smiled.

"You have a really creepy stare."

"What are you talking about?" Vaati asked, his red eyes glowing eerily.

"And over all, you're just really, really, scary."

"It's not my fault. I got the demon genes from the Picori Cap," Vaati muttered.

"Not to mention you take that stupid Derpachu everywhere you go," Zelda spat.

Derpachu, who was under the table, began to get tense.

"So did I have a good time? NO!And also I…"

"Derpaaaa...chuuuuuu!" Derpachu shouted, using thunder shock on Zelda.

"KYAAAAAAA!" Zelda screamed as the pokemon electrocuted her into a pile of ash.

Derpachu hoped on the princess's chair and smiled at Vaati.

"Gee, thanks Derpachu," the demon said, rubbing his forehead.

Derpachu scarfed down Zelda's rejected cake in delight.


	6. The Retarded Epilogue

Vaati glared at Bella.

"What?" she said innocently.

"I know that happened 'cos I read it in your diary."

"Hey!" the wind mage shouted in embarrassment.

"Fine. Man journal," Bella said, rolling her eyes.

"This Derpachu is gonna change our lives," Zant said cheerfully.

"Wait! This Derpachu looks…" Vaati began suspiciously, "familiar."  
Derpachu smiled innocently.

"Oh, my god! He's not a Derpachu!" Bella shouted.

"Yeah! He's actually…" Zant said, unzipping Derpachu's tummy.

Bella and Vaati's eyes grew wide.

"Blitz the Fire Mage?!" the two said in shock.

Blitz crossed her arms and pouted.

"But why?" Bella asked.

"Because you stole my man!" Blitz shouted in fury.

"I wanted to get Vaati back from you, so I did what any sane person would do… I made an overly complicated plan to sneak into your house and kill you in your sleep. I stole the Derpachu costume from the garbage outside the pokemon live musical show in Tokyo, Japan and used it as my disguise. I sat outside in your garbage can for 2 weeks waiting for one of you morons to come and find me. Then Captain McTardo happened to bring me into this house, and that's how I'm here now."

Everyone was silent.

"You did this all just to get me?" Vaati asked, wide-eyed.

"And you were going to kill me in my sleep? That is a sick plan!" Bella shouted.

"Actually, it's kind of flattering, but Bella is right! You're sick!"

"She called me Captain McTardo," Zant glared.

"But now that you know my plan," Blitz said, reaching into her shirt, "YOU MUST DIE!"

She pulled out a knife and lunged for Bella and Zant. The two stared at her with bored expressions, nimbly stepped out of the way, and tripped Blitz, sending her flying out the window and face first into the trash.

"Talk about a crazy b***h," Bella muttered.

"I'll get you all someday!" Blitz screamed, covered in garbage.

"Yeah, when I'm dead!" Vaati yelled at her.

Blitz's eyes welled up with tears.

"But Vaati, I…"

"Take this, you sick little demon!" Zant shouted out the window, sending many shadow beasts after her.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Blitz screamed, stumbled out of the trash can, and ran down the street screaming in fear.

"CURSE YOU ZANT THE URSPER KING!"

Bella and Vaati stared at Zant, who was practically on fire.

"I have no words," Bella said, blinking.

Zant smiled.

"BFFS?" he said.

Vaati looked at Bella and nodded.

"BFFS," they said.

Then all of a sudden all the way in England Buckingham Place exploded.

_The End XD_


End file.
